Celebrating Mistakes

Lisa Larsen, LPC
Our culture can be notorious for creating shame around making mistakes. We see an increasing level of anxiety and all the physical and emotional fallout that it creates affecting the health of both adults and children alike, all based on this false and self-created expectation of perfection. From grades to competitive athletics, educators witness the extreme level of stress and expectation placed on children of all ages ever day and most importantly, what they place on themselves. Talk to a middle schooler trying to manage the academic workload along with select sports or dance teams or a high school student getting ready to apply to college. It can be paralyzing. Here’s some exciting news….we are all imperfect! A better focus would be on courageously changing these debilitating beliefs about imperfection. 

Close your eyes for a moment and think about the messages you received from teachers and parents about mistakes when you were young. What were those messages? Where you told you were stupid, lazy, inadequate, or a disappointment? 

“You’re just not good at math” 
“Reading is just not your strength.” 
“Swimming may not be your sport.” 

If you can remember a specific incident where you were being reprimanded for making a mistake, what kinds of decisions were you making about yourself and what you might do in the future? Some children decide they are bad (and later choose to live up to those perceived expectations) or decide they will not take a risk again for fear of embarrassment or shame. Often children will decide not to try something new for fear they will lose their parents or teachers’ approval. Making a mistake feels like a judgment about their person instead of the new skill or concept. They become extrinsically motivated (approval junkies) and will only participate in those activities or skills they know they have mastered. 

It’s understandable that parents have good intentions but there is certainly a better way. We need to learn to teach children to be excited about mistakes as opportunities to learn. Imagine if you will, that same childhood memory of when you were being berated for a mistake. What would have happened had you heard “You made a mistake. That is fantastic! What can we learn from it?” (and yes, learning is indeed a “we” partnership).

Keep in mind that many mistakes occur because we have not taken the time to do necessary training and encourage the risk. Model the courage to accept imperfection and realize the process is greater than the product. Straight “A’s” mean nothing if the child is too afraid to try new things and learn new skills always with built-in mistakes. 

As an SEL-focused school, making mistakes is a welcome part of learning. Our students are taught early on that we celebrate mistakes- it’s truly the greatest and most efficient way to learn. I encourage you to try this at home and model what that looks like and sounds like. Go around the dinner table and have each person share a success and a challenge or mistake they experienced during that day and how they handled it. 

“Woohoo! I totally blew it - listen to this!” 

Regardless of age, our children (and the adults!) need constant reassurance and reminders that the courage to try regardless of whether it works the first time or not, will teach the value of the learning experience and the importance of who they are as individuals. 
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St. Gabriel's Catholic School is an Independent Catholic school in Austin TX, educating children in preschool, kindergarten, elementary, and middle school.