Communication Skills: Home, School, & Community
The beginning of the school year gives us all the opportunity to focus on building those foundational skills that help our students feel connected through shared goals, expectations on how we treat one another and essentially, how we all learn to exist together at school. As your children are building class charters and deciding how they plan to learn effectively together, we also build home-to-school partnerships with you and strive to build trust in its most caring, effective form. It’s so important to be reminded how together, we walk through messy situations with your children as they learn and grow. We value and embrace the challenges that are presented for both students and parents in this journey.
I find it so helpful to review those basic relationship and communication skills that reflect our SEL foundation and our Catholic Virtues that make this school so special.
Positive Framing & Language
- Begin every conversation with the positive: Communication should always begin with feeling heard, seen, and understood. Even in the most challenging of situations or big feelings, we frame and share in what we observe, what we want to see, and what that will look like. We take responsibility for how we feel (“I statements”) and the language we use when we share it. This includes questions, behaviors, and goals.
- We avoid “loaded” language: This means we avoid accusatory language, cussing, adults texting children, negative gossip, and name-calling. This includes using this language to children, to school, and to one another.
- We do not “interview for pain:" Instead of immediately asking “Was that boy mean to you again today?” as soon as the child gets into the car, we invite them to share something amazing that happened at school today or “What’s one thing that went really well today for you?” “What’s something you felt proud of today?”
- This is just a moment: As hard or challenging as this moment may feel, it is just that...a brief experience of discomfort, hurt, confusion, or disappointment. Trust in the professionals who know and love your student. It is a moment that will help your child and you learn something important and profound. With each experience comes knowledge, strength, and wisdom. No parent wants to see their child struggle or hurt, but do not take this valuable experience from them. These are the moments that give you the chance to love, support, and walk them through how to manage life. It is an invaluable and necessary life skill.
- Ask open-ended questions: If you want the real scoop, keep those questions open-ended and wait for your child to fill in the details. “How did you feel about that?” “What would you have done differently?” “Tell me more about that.” “I wonder how your classmate felt?”
- Start with the Teacher/Advisor: As a parent, when situations arise that seem unclear or you have questions about what your child may be sharing at home, always begin with the teacher or for middle school, their advisor. We remind our students to “fact find” before making assumptions. Model how important that skill is for your child.
- Assume Best Intentions: This is a big one. This goes for your child, your school, and one another. Empathy is the key with listening first as the most important step. When we listen first, we let the other person know they are worthy, we want to understand them and we gather facts before jumping to a negative conclusion. We must also remember we never really know what may be going on in someone’s life and care and kindness will always come first. We live our Catholic virtues by reminding ourselves to stop and think before reacting, before sending that late night angry email or text, and to assume best intentions with each other.
Building strong partnerships with one another is created with trust and clear, kind, honest, and positive communication even when (and most importantly when) it gets messy. I encourage you to reach out to your child’s teacher, advisor, or to me personally if you have any questions, concerns, or want to share something wonderful!
Lisa Larsen, LPC
St. Gabriel's Counselor
St. Gabriel's Catholic School
St. Gabriel's Catholic School is an Independent Catholic school in Austin TX, educating children in preschool, kindergarten, elementary, and middle school.
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